Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by…
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and give praise…
I will praise You, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing to You among the nations. For Your mercy reaches unto the heavens, and your truth unto the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; Let Your glory be above all the earth.
Excerpts from Psalm 57
This morning marks the first day past my due date. It’s funny how setting a date brings all kinds of expectations, hopes, and disappointments. In my mind I know that doctors can only predict so much, but that in reality, God has the final say when it comes to our time to be born, much less all the days total we have left to live on earth. And so I’ve decided to take it one day at a time and praise God for all the blessings he’s given me, and rest in the fact that He knows the future, which is good enough for me to know right now.
In reflecting on this pregnancy, there are so many things to be thankful for. Getting pregnant again was a blessing itself. I wavered back and forth as to when I’d be ready to go through the whole ordeal again. David wanted us to wait at least a year after Kadie was born. I was ok with that too, but when Kadie’s birthday came and went, I was having second thoughts.
Not knowing some of what I would be getting into was a bit overwhelming and so I was beginning to think we should wait a bit longer. I began to pray about it, asking for direction and peace. Several days later, I was watching Kadie play by herself when an intense desire for her to have a playmate came over me. That’s when I decided it was ok to let us get pregnant. Little did I know I already was!
Thus began the adventure of the past nine months. This pregnancy was a little different in that I was nauseated yet didn’t throw up in the first trimester like I did with Kadie. But it was so weird to me to start throwing up in the second trimester when things usually calm down as the placenta takes over producing the mass amounts of growth hormones instead of my own body.
I’m so thankful Kadie slept through the night more and more this past year, and so thankful that she is such a good little girl – not getting into trouble very often, and already mommy’s helper with some things. The hardest part of pregnancy was the beginning, when I didn’t want to look at or smell food, but had to sit and feed Kadie. She’s difficult to feed in the first place because of food allergies. Meals take 1-2 hours for her. She resists eating, and so I would let her down when she refused to eat because I felt sick and didn’t want anything to do with food. Unfortunately, she failed to gain weight for quite a while. In fact, she stayed 16 pounds for 6 months. With God’s help and with doctors advice, we slowly remedied that problem.
There has been so many little blessings I want to just list out so I can remember all to be thankful for:
- Having my immune system lowered during pregnancy means my body doesn’t fight foods I normally have to avoid. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying dairy, wheat, fruit, and, well… I admit I have a terrible sweet tooth as well. Not to say I haven’t faithfully been eating my vegetables! (I’m so proud that Kadie loves my veggie juice concoctions.)
- While the excess hormones can have its downsides, I normally live in a state of depleted hormones due to chronic pain, so having the extra amounts during pregnancy generally helps my body feel better, and have more energy. Yay!
- This time around, I could feel the baby moving sooner because I could recognize the difference between intestinal gas, and the baby’s fluttering.
- David’s work is flexible enough that he could watch Kadie during his lunch hour while I go work out in the pool. It was a major help to have a short break from her, and to be able to stretch my cramping legs.
- My therapist, Candis, helped me with my spinal and muscle issues so much throughout this pregnancy! I thank God for her every time I think of her! That, and we always had great talks about pregnancy and birth since we both have gone through the Bradley Method and have similar views on birth.
- I’m so thankful that two of my girlfriends from our Bradley class have now had two babies each and have survived, giving me hope for survival with my two. They have been a delight to get together with and have our children interact together. Alex has treated me to a pedicure while her mom watched our girls. What a delightful outing and a much needed break from being mommy for an afternoon.
- I’m so thankful for both sets of parents who have helped out tremendously. My mom-in-law has fixed meals for us, and shrimp for Kadie since she likes it, and my dad-in-law has watched Kadie many times during my therapy appointments. My folks have started taking Kadie overnight once or twice a month, including our anniversary weekend, so we could get away and go to Silver Falls. My dad came and cleaned my carpet. Now I can see the carpet instead of the glaring stains. He and my dad-in-law came over a bunch when I got the flu two weeks ago when I could barely get off the couch or eat or drink anything.
- Praise God I got over the flu in under a week! I was worried about not having any energy left for when I go into labor. But things are much better!
- David has always been so wonderful and supportive throughout pregnancy. Not only does he do dishes regularly, clean house for me as I am unable, and take care of Kadie, but he massages me all the time, buys me Tillamook Cheeseburgers from Burgerville when I have a hankering, retrieves things from upstairs or downstairs, watches movies with me, spends time talking with me or letting me cry on him, and even plans surprise slumber parties for me with just the gals. He’s truly my best friend, and I am so thankful to have him by my side through this whole time of carrying and birthing our child.
God is good. He takes good care of me and baby, and my whole family. I trust that He’s carrying me through my last days of pregnancy and will help me through birth.